Just shut up and drive

Taxi Drivers. The following is a list of truths you would do well to reflect upon.

1. Your job does involve interacting with people who have been drinking. Don't act surprised that you might be expected to come face to face with someone who is a little the worse for drink. Unless that person assaults you, pukes or takes a dump in the back of the cab, shut up and stop bitching.

2. It is up to you to know where you are going. Leaving the meter running while you pull over to look at the street directory is the same as a hooker charging you while she sits down with a copy of a sex education pamphlet. You're supposed to know this stuff already and if you don't, I certainly shouldn't be paying for the time it takes you to learn.

3. When someone tells you they live on a major inner city street, missing the turn and then accusing them of not giving you proper directions is about as plausible as our friend the hooker sucking on your kneecap and then accusing you of not telling her where your dick is.

4. You have no right to expect a tip. If, through some miracle, you have transported me from my place of origin to my intended destination via the shortest possible route then you have done nothing more than complete your duties competently and the already outrageous figure on the meter is more than adequate compensation.

5. I don't want to hear your opinions on football, politics, immigrants, single mothers, dole bludgers, drug addicts or the commercialisation of Christmas. Shut up and drive the car. This is particularly true if you are a grumpy cunt. I'm paying for a service here. The role of the service provider is to make sure the customer's experience is as pleasant as possible. It doesn't mean treating them like a captive audience for your own impotent bitching and moaning.

6. Why do all of you bastards listen to such shit music?