T-Lo or Tony from the Block

Talented athlete, dim witted publicity whore and all round narcissistic wanker Anthony Mundine is set to release his first music video.

In a move certain to have conservative talkback callers frothing at the mouth, the high profile boxer has released a hip hop filmclip showing the Union Jack and a photograph of Prime Minister John Howard being burned.

The openly political video for Mundine's hip-hop single Platinum Ryder, filmed in the notorious area of Redfern known as The Block, shows indigenous residents tearing up Mr Howard's photograph and tossing it into a barrel of flames. Shortly afterwards, a union jack meets the same fate.

According to news.com.au the burning takes place against the background of Mundine's "rags to riches" rap lyrics.

Mundine is one of those unfortunate souls who has confused the ability to talk a lot, with the ability to actually say something. Let's take a look at a few of the lyrics "the man" has penned;

"I am just one man, it ain't the whole of the nation, politicians won't say sorry for the stolen generation."

"I am from The Block, so I know the program....because of my complexion I was against the odds."

Awwwwsome...

Jesus Christ. I mean, it's bad enough having to watch the arrogant douchebag win boxing matches, now we have to put up with him enacting some pooncey bloody J-Lo inspired Tony from the Block routine too?

Mundine went on to display his keen political instincts by describing John Howard as "a puppet to the bigger brothers, who are England and America" and saying that "we should have a new flag all together." In a further attempt to demonstrate his tight grasp on geopolitical affairs the pugilist asked "why can't we all combine so we can unite for peace?"

Simple solutions from a simple, simple man.

Few things shit me more than some dumb fuckwit using their celebrity to pass comment in public on something they know absolutely fuck all about.

Platinum Ryder is already being played on Sydney FM hip-hop station 961, but will be released to television within the next month with an album to follow by March.

Don't be fooled. This isn't about standing up for aboriginal rights or making a stand for justice. If this brain dead fuckstain wanted to improve the lot of "his people" there are a lot more effective ways of doing it than making a cynical, self aggrandising cash grab by releasing a pre-fab hip hop album.

I swear, every time you start to think this guy might actually be a half decent bloke he comes out and reminds you why you thought he was a prick in the first place.

Champagne Radio

Madonna King is the woman who presents the Mornings program on ABC Radio in Brisbane. The program styles itself as an agenda setting, hard news and current affairs forum. King has a reputation as being the type of journalist who asks a question then doesn't bother listening to the answer. Many is the time I've heard this insufferable woman ask a question her guest had only seconds ago finished answering.

Today, while interviewing an Islamic Professor from the Griffith University she reached a new level of dim wittedness with the following piece of blinding stupidity...

Professor Mohammad Abdullah: What is interesting is that Islam is the fastest growing religion in the world.

Madonna King: Is that amongst Muslims or non-Muslims?


Idiot.

Look Who's a World Leader Now!

Over the years the members of the National Press Club in Washington DC have been addressed by their fair share of dignitaries, luminaries and assorted persons of significance.

An average of 70 luncheons each year provide a national forum for the views of Presidents, Prime Ministers, business and cultural leaders, members of the Cabinet and Congress.

It seems a famous Australian has been deemed worthy of being added to the list: Before we reveal who that is shall we take a look at some of the names that have addressed the NPC over the last 100 years or so.

1910 - Theodore Roosevelt - Former President of the United States

1911 - Sarah Bernhardt - Actress & Member of the French Legion of Honour.

1938 - Eleanor Roosevelt - First Lady of the United States & Social Justice Campaigner

1959 - Nikita Khrushchev - Chairman of the Soviet Union

1959 - Dwight Eisenhower - President of the United States

1959 - Fidel Castro - President of Cuba

1960 - Charles de Gaull - President of France

1961 - Adlai Stevenson - US Ambassador to the United Nations

1962 - Martin Luther King Jr. - Civil Rights Campaigner

1968 - Nelson A. Rockefeller - US Vice President, Governor of New York, Philanthropist & Businessman

1975 - Menachem Begin - Israeli Prime Minister

1977 - Henry Kissinger - US Secretary of State

1979 - Billy Graham - Evangelist

1987 - Bill Clinton - Governor of Arkansas. Future President of the United States

1992 - Boutras Boutras-Ghali - United Nations Secretary General

1994 - Nelson Mandela - President of South Africa

1995 - Margaret Thatcher - Former British Prime Minister

1996 - Yasser Arafat - Chairman of the Palestine Liberation Organisation

2000 - Neil Armstrong - Former Astronaut

2001 - Hillary Clinton - Former First Lady. Senator for New York.

2006 - Ted Turner - Media mogul. Founder of CNN.


2007 - Bindi Irwin


Oh yes, the stage which has seen the passage of some of the most influential world leaders and revolutionary thinkers of the last century will next week be graced by Bindi Irwin.

The address will be part of Bindi's "whirlwind" tour of the United States which is designed to promote Australia and launch the eight year old's showbiz career in America.

As well as addressing the National Press Club, Bindi will appear on the Ellen De Generes Show and the Late Show with Dave Letterman. She will also be the guest of honour at a gala dinner in LA to be attended by the likes of Russell Crowe, Naomi Watts and Rupert Murdoch and will give two live performances with The Wiggles.

But don't worry. You can rest assured that the intensive campaign to turn the eight year old into an international superstar is completely her own idea and has nothing at all to do with a sleazy manager finding a new cash cow after his last one got killed by a stingray.

Wow

On Monday night through a chance encounter on late night television I rediscovered a brilliant Britsh sitcom called Black Books. The following evening on my way home from work, full of happy thoughts about the laughs to come I drove to my local JB Hi-Fi to purchase the box set. After a quick scan of the shelves and a long and irritating conversation with some form of retail programmed supergeek, complete with large, square, brown framed glasses and calculator in his top pocket, I was informed that they had no copies of the program I sought. This is the third time I've gone to this shop looking for something reasonably well known and been told they have none in stock. It's not like I'm looking for Japanese import copies of Frank Zappa albums you useless fucks. Get your shit together.

It was this minor setback that forced me to enter the fiendish rat's maze known as WOW Sight and Sound. Anyone who has ever entered one of these hellish places will understand what I'm about to say.

If there's one thing that annoys me more than just about anything else it's being treated like an idiot. Therefore, I have an extreme hatred of stores that are laid out like Hampton Court fucking Maze in some half baked attempt to make you walk around in circles trying to find what you're looking for. The logic to this, as any oily haired fuckwit with a marketing degree will tell you, is that if you walk past more stuff, you'll be tempted to buy more.

Unfortunately, being possessed of an IQ above 100 this type of thing doesn't really work on me all that well. Do you really think that by making me wander around the whole place with my johnson in my hand looking for the right section then the checkout then the exit you're somehow going to trick me into buying more stuff? What it has done is make me vow that I will never buy anything from these evil and condescending fuckers ever again....If only I thought that meant something. Sigh...

As a postscript to this little tirade I would like to note that while JB Hi-Fi had no copies of Black Books in stock, they did have an extensive selection of DVDs of Blankety Blanks* starring Graham Kennedy. Why would anyone in their right mind be interested in watching 30 year old game shows on DVD?

*
For the uninitiated Blankety Blanks was half arsed game show hosted by Australia's "King" of television: Graham Kennedy. The show was extremely popular with the type of people who would have been disgusted had they known Kennedy was a closet homosexual. It also featured a useless comedian known as Ugly Dave Grey who turned up later in life advertising erectile dysfunction products.

...but some are more equal than others...

Aboriginal actor David Gulpilil has been found not guilty of carrying an offensive weapon after producing a machete during a heated stand-off in Darwin.

The movie veteran, who starred in Storm Boy and Crocodile Dundee, was arrested in July last year after an incident at a friend's house on Wood Street in the city's centre.
The 2005 NT Australian of the Year was accused of grabbing a machete when an argument started between a group of people over his drinking.

Gulpilil pleaded not guilty to carrying an offensive weapon without a lawful excuse during a brief trial in Darwin Magistrates Court on Monday.

The 54-year-old said the knife was in his bag because he had recently returned to Darwin after three-and-a-half weeks of filming in Kakadu National Park, where he had used the machete to carve and make bush tents.

Magistrate Tanya Fong Lim today dismissed the charge against the star, saying Gulpilil used the machete for cultural reasons.

"The defendant is an artist and a carver. He used the machete to carve didgeridoos, totem poles and strip stringy bark for paintings," she told Darwin Magistrates Court.

"There is also evidence he used it to help him build shelters while out bush, like he had done shortly before arriving in Darwin.

"I accept the defendant's explanation for his possession of the machete."

Hang on a second....what?

Why is possessing the machete the problem here? I admit I'm no legal expert but I would have thought common sense would suggest that the issue here isn't why he had the fucking thing in his bag. It's why he pulled it out and brandished it during an argument. I don't care if someone is wandering around with a machete that they use for carving stashed in a bag. What would make me more than a tad nervous would be if they pulled the thing out and started waving it around while they were pissed and angry.

And what the fuck are cultural reasons? You can not start bending laws to accommodate people's cultural sensibilities. Suppose some brain fried Rasta gets caught with a couple of kgs of weed in his bag. Is he going to be allowed to cite "cultural reasons" as a defence?

No doubt there will be more than a few "rool strayans" out there who will view this as proof that the legal system goes light on aboriginal offenders. They're wrong. This decision has almost nothing to do with race. No, the deciding factor in this case is almost certainly fame. If this was some random aboriginal nobody, he would have been fucked. Gulpilil on the other hand is a high profile actor and artist who is viewed by many as a living, breathing, national treasure.

Yet again, some folk are more equal than others.

Bargain

A few years ago I was walking through David Jones in the city and saw a pair of jeans that I quite liked the look of. They were kind of pale blue and a bit worn but still kind of OK and not too try hard looking. I picked them up, checked the tag and with an almighty guffaw threw them back on the pile. $350 for a pair of jeans, even if they were cool, was simply outrageous and in my mind, anyone who would pay that much for jeans was a complete dickhead.

Today while procrastinating at work I found a link to an online clothing store that leaves DJ's for dead. Check these out.





That's right. Those of you wishing to achieve the scurvy cabin boy look this summer will be delighted to know that you can pick up a pair of these ridiculous things for a mere £250.00 or roughly $618 AU.

According to the company the jeans "come in a petrol style box, with tow ropes tied around the jeans and a letter!"

This intrigued me because one of the first things I thought upon seeing that picture was that that is exactly the type of garment you often see on fuckups and deadbeats who have been burying their nose in a petrol can. Coincidence? You be the judge.