What?

Dude.......... just fucking retire.

It's because you won't let them shag!

Motherhood message for Gen Y Catholics
Linda Morris Religious Affairs Reporter, SMH, September 28, 2006

The Archbishop of Sydney, Cardinal George Pell, is sounding a warning for the health of the Catholic Church, saying "religious confusion" among young Catholics is worse than for other Christian youth.

And the lack of faith among young women could have serious implications for future generations given it has traditionally been mothers who have inspired children to faith.

In a speech he is due to give to Catholic educators today, Cardinal Pell partly blames comparative religion courses and "contemporary propaganda" for taking young Catholics "beyond tolerance and ecumenism and towards muddle".

So it's comparative religion courses that are to blame for diminished numbers at mass? We'll leave aside the "contemporary propaganda" bit because it could mean just about anything and sounds suspiciously like something he threw in there just to round out a sentence.

If being exposed to information about religions other than the one they were baptised into results in Catholics deciding to pack it all in, what does that say about the strength of Catholicism?

Wouldn't you like to think you've got something worth believing in that will stand up to a more rigorous examination than a comparative religion course at high school?

George's answer to this crisis would seem to be preventing Catholics from becoming aware of faiths other than their own. Why don't you just try to reinstate the Index of Banned Books you medieval throwback.

I'm sorry George but you're no better than a jealous lover who freaks out if their partner talks to someone else.

I often wonder whether the only reason the Catholic Church stopped burning and torturing people is because they no longer have the military power to do so.

During the era of the Inquisition the Roman Catholic Church was backed by European kings who kindly provided their armies for the church's use. Eternal salvation for the blood of heretics and all that. It probably seemed like a fair trade at the time. However, with new fangled developments like the separation of church and state, the church lost its sword arm and much of its influence. Sure they could still exercise a diminished form of behavioural control with threats of hellfire, but it's not quite the same as riding into town on a black stallion, setting up a kangaroo court and butchering people who confessed under torture is it?

Jeez I wonder how this happened.

Steven Tyler Reveals He Has Hepatitis C
Sep 26, 2:10 PM
EST
The Associated Press

Steven Tyler says he was diagnosed with hepatitis C three years ago after having the illness for a long time without any symptoms.

In an interview that was to air Tuesday on "Access Hollywood," the 58-year-old Aerosmith frontman said the infection was now "nonexistent" in his bloodstream after 11 months of treatment, including the drug interferon.

"I've been pretty quiet about this," Tyler was quoted as saying. "I've had hepatitis C for a long time, asymptomatic. And I talked to my doctor ... and he said now is the time and it's 11 months of chemotherapy. So I went on that and it about killed me."

Hepatitis C is a liver disease spread by contact with the blood of an infected person, according to the Web site for the Centers for Disease Control, hich recommends testing for intravenous drug users and transfusion recipients, among others. According to 2004 estimates by the CDC, 3.2 million people have the chronic infection.

"It is nonexistent in my bloodstream as we speak, so it's one of those few miracles in doctoring where it's like a complete cure. It's gone," Tyler said.

A couple of days ago I saw a post on this blog in which the author listed everyone who wasn't a complete pussy. It was a short list. One person to be exact. Keith Richards.

I would like to nominate Steve Tyler as the second person worthy of being included on the list. Not only has he done enough coke and booze to kill mere mortals, he has also somehow or other managed to see off a lethal and supposedly incurable virus from his bloodsteam. The ball is in your court Keith.

Nothing to fear but fear itself?

The BBC this morning reported that a Berlin opera company has cancelled a Mozart production over security fears because it features the severed heads of the Prophet Muhammad and Jesus.

Deutsche Oper said "incalculable" security risks would be posed by staging Idomeneo.

"We know the consequences of the conflict over the (Muhammad) caricatures," the opera company said in a statement.

"We believe that needs to be taken very seriously and hope for your support."

The opera was staged in Berlin in 2003, drawing criticism over a scene where the king presents the heads of Greek sea god Poseidon, Muhammad, Jesus and Buddha.

The director, Kirsten Harms, said security officials had now warned of possible problems if the production went ahead, and that it was in the best interests of performers and opera-goers to cancel it.

Berlin's mayor, Klaus Wowereit, said the director had made the wrong decision to scrap the production.

"Our ideas about openness, tolerance and freedom must be lived out on the offensive," he told the Associated Press.

"Voluntary self-limitation gives those who fight against our values a confirmation in advance that we will not stand behind them."

It is a sad day when the work of one of the world's most respected composers is rejected because it may provoke people to violence on the basis of religion. The unpalatable truth of the matter is that they're probably right. If this production were to go ahead you can almost guarantee a bunch of fanatics would hit the streets from Berlin to Baghdad screaming for revenge.

Does anyone expect a bunch of old school Greeks, Tibetan monks or bolshy protestants to pour into the streets screaming blue murder? Of course not. Unfortunately, a violent and completely over the top reaction from Muslims is a very real possibility and at least part of me understands the concerns of an opera company who doesn't want to put its performers at risk.

But are we really going to be frightened into submission and have our freedom to enjoy art curtailed by threats of violence? What the hell is going on here? If somebody grabbed a high ranking Imam, lopped his head off and stuck it on a pike out the front of the Berlin Opera House I'd understand if people were a tad miffed. But if the decapitation of a deity and a couple of prophets occurs in a work of fiction, written by one of history's greatest ever composers and sung by fat people in frilly clothing you need to take it with a grain of fucking salt.

Now look here you savage bastards, if you expect people to tiptoe around your absurdly delicate sensibilities, how is it that you don't see any need to afford anyone else the same courtesty. For a while there you lot were the most progressive, enlightened and advanced civilisation on the planet. This at a time when Christians spent an awful awful lot of time running around burning each other and praying in a language they didn't speak. What happened? Where did it all go wrong?

Am I on the money here or am I just turning into a right wing talkback host? After all if we let these Sharia Law abiding cunts have their way, there would be a complete ban on singing, dancing, music and pretty much anything which might be considered fun. You know what I don't understand? If you lived in some shitsville country like Afghanistan or Somalia and spent your days roasting your your arse off and eating dirt in between having your village annihilated by natural disasters, wouldn't you want a bit of song and dance to lighten your heart every now and then? It's not like your everyday life is so crash hot you can't possibly deal with the idea of any more fun is it?

Don't call me violent or I'll fucking kill you!

Following Pope Joseph "Adolf" Ratzinger's recent use of a medieval quotation suggesting Islam is a religion tainted by a history of violence, Muslim firebrands around the globe have done a great job of proving his point by once again going completely apeshit.

This kind of stupidity I simply can't understand. A word to the wise guys, if you're hell bent on expressing your outrage at someone who dared suggest your religion encourages violence (and jeez, I wonder what might have given anyone that idea), then baying for blood, burning churches and gunning down elderly nuns is quite possibly the most stupid and self defeating of all possible ways to go about it.

This is the problem with fundamentalism of any sort. It breeds people completely devoid of the ability to laugh at themselves and lacking any sort of perspective. Isaac "Chef" Hayes, was cool with working on South Park which lampooned everything under the sun right up until the day they had a crack at his own beloved Scientology. Then all of a sudden it wasn't so funny.

I once met a born again Christian who chuckled merrily at jokes about Jews but freaked the fuck out when I called Jesus the world's most popular draft dodger.

If you must live your life based on a heavily edited collection of two thousand year old documents, is it that fucking hard to focus on the parts that don't require large quantities of blood and dismembered limbs? I know adhering to certain sections of what purports to be the word of God and ignoring others pretty much makes believing any of it completely pointless but if I get started on that I'll be here all night.

Back to the point. What is it about Islam that makes so many of its followers incapable of ignoring the less savoury bits in their holy book? Why is it that any perceived insult, no matter how slight, is greeted with complete outrage and the sort of righteous screams for vengeance that seem to be the red hot lifeblood of this particular religion? Perhaps they're just more honest with themselves and are just struggling gamely to adhere to all aspects of their contradictory religious text as opposed to Christians who happily pick and choose which parts of God's word they feel are worth following.

While we're on it, don't give me this bollocks about the perpetrators of this religious hatred not being "real" Muslims. I'm sorry but that shit doesn't fly unless you're going to say that John Howard and George W. Bush aren't "real" Christians because they set in motion events that have resulted in the deaths of thousands of people. They certainly consider themselves to be Christians. Are you going to tell them they're not? A religion can not absolve itself of any connection to the abhorrent behaviour of a member of its congregation by claiming that person wasn't a "real" member of the faith. Any attempt to do so is nothing more than a cheap cop out and evidence of a moral dishonesty unworthy of any organisation which would attempt to tell people how to live.

Judaism, Christianity and Islam are the three religions of the Word, each one a new and supposedly improved version of the last. Could it be the developmental stage of each faith that results in such strikingly different behaviour in its followers? Stay with me here. I don't know where I'm going with this but I've got this theory by the reigns and I'm going to see where it takes me. Try this on:

In this the year of our lord 2006:

• Jews are the grumpy old codgers who have been around, seen a thing or two and are convinced that everyone younger than them is out to get them.
• Christians are 21st century teenagers. Smug, overprivileged know-it-alls who are often too preoccupied with shiny things to be bothered with being a good person.
• Muslims are the toddlers of the religious world. Petulant and emotionally driven crybabies who will throw the toys out of the cot when things don't go their way.
  

You heard it here first.

Totally Oz

Not all the individuals are dead.

It was with great delight that I discovered that Denise "Ding Dong" Drysdale once turned up to the Logie Awards with an esky full of UDLs after having been frustrated with the slow service from the waiters the year before.

Apparently she got away with it by disguising the esky as an oversized handbag.

The Logie Awards as we all know are an excuse for insipid B-List personalities to pat each other on the back, attempt to convince themselves that soap opera is an art form, hand the Gold Logie to whoever is currently the most boring entity on the box then kick on into the night, maintaining their inflated sense of importance by hoovering back large amounts of cocaine at the after party.

Not for Denise. A six pack of UDLs in a cunningly camouflaged esky is more her style.

Something about the complete lack of pretension inherent in that type of behaviour softens my heart. Particularly when it took place at an event normally dominated by fevered egos and narcissistic nobodies. Can you imagine Lisa "Wingnut" McCune doing the same thing? Not fucking likely.

Can't we get Ding Dong some kind of award? The woman turned up at Australian TV's night of nights with an esky full of some of the cheapest, nastiest booze you can get. While everyone else was tossing their hair and sipping champagne, she was surrepetitiously knocking back the kind of stuff that is normally drunk in large quantities by 15 year old girls shortly before they get dragged into a bedroom for their debut shag before ending the night crying on the stairs smelling faintly of vomit, vodka and jism.

Diddy Look like a fool?

During my daily exploration of the tabloid dungeons of Murdoch Castle I came across the following:

US rap star Sean Combs will be forced to change his name once again after losing the right to call himself Diddy in Britain to a disgruntled little-known music producer. Combs, 36, who used to call himself Puff Daddy, Puffy and P. Diddy, agreed to pay more than £100,000 ($248,000) legal costs and £10,000 ($24,800) damages in a settlement last week at a London court.

Richard Dearlove, who has traded under the Diddy name since 1992, sued Combs after he dropped the P from his moniker.

"He changed his name to Diddy. I was gutted," Dearlove told The Guardian. "I started getting emails from Puerto Rican girls asking if they could be in my video."

Yet more evidence, as if any was needed, that this guy is a complete and utter tool. Why is he famous again? These days he gets most of his headlines for changing his name every couple of months. Oh sure, he banged Jennifer Lopez for a while, cashed in on the death of his so called friend, started a record label responsible for releasing some of the most dreary crap ever recorded, stuck his name on some suits and along the way scored a couple of hits by rapping over the top of songs that were already part of the global consciousness but really, what has this parasite actually ever done to justify the incredible publicity he receives?

Everyone rags on Paris Hilton for being a scum sucking famewhore who is famous for being famous and rightly so, but if we're going to lynch talentless famewhores this cunt should be at the top of the list. Every couple of years he releases a pre-fab hip-hop by numbers single then changes his name to keep himself in the limelight.

When changing from P Diddy to just plain Diddy he claimed "the P was getting between me and my fans."

Sean, you're a fuckwit. You probably always were and you probably always will be.

I mean for fuck's sake he was caught on video completely off his tits on crack, bragging about being the first to use a certain zit cream. How fucking cool and interesting can he be?

Classy Chick

Australia's most halfwitted autocue reader Naomi Robson has been forced to apologise after appearing on Today Tonight dressed in a Crocodile Hunter style khaki outfit, complete with a lizard on her shoulder, a mere 24 hours after Steve Irwin's death.

The whole show was filmed at the gates of Australia Zoo where Irwin fans have created a floral memorial.

Channel Seven has tried to blame the comical park ranger look on a wardrobe assistant and Robson herself has tried to blame the inclusion of the lizard on a young Irwin fan who was also at Australia Zoo.

Well done Naomi, you nauseating bint. Nothing says class like dressing up as a recently deceased celebrity then blaming the ensuing controversy on a small child.

Golden Bath doesn't have quite the same ring to it

A new book claims Sharon Stone's on-set antics so angered crew members on one of her films, they were inspired to seek revenge by urinating in a bathtub just moments before the actress hopped in it for a scene.

Screenwriter Joe Eszterhas has put the boot into top stars in his new book The Devil's Guide to Hollywood.

Also coming in for some attention are Robert De Niro whom Eszterhas described as "pathetically lost without the words of a script," and Val Kilmer; "An imbecile who nominated three of his own movies, including Batman Forever, as the three best film moments of the century."

Joe Eszterhas is the "creative genius" behind films such as Showgirls, Sliver and Basic Instinct. One can't help but wonder what he considers to be the three best film moments of the century.

Is Val Kilmer a wanker or just a smart arse? More importantly, which celebrity's bath would you take a slash in if given the chance?

Steve Irwin checks out in appropriate fashion.

Hyperactive animal lover Steve Irwin has died while fondling a sting-ray in North Qld sending the Australian media into an apeshit frenzy.

Redneck fuckwits have hit internet news sites leaving mountains of comments ranging from the predictably stupid, to the outright hilarious.

Crikey! Whats the world coming to. First 9/11, then Bali... and now
this! Bloody Hell. RIP Stevo.
Posted by: Pete Rulebreaker 3:32pm today

THIS IS JUST LIKE WHEN THE PRINCESS DIANNA PASSED BUT
WORSE
Posted by: Erin bradford of Hobat, Tasmania 3:36pm today

Steve Irwin is the face of this great Nation and will be deeply
missed by all. My heart goes out to his wonderful family who will know doubt
miss him more than we could ever know. This is a sad day for
Australia.
Posted by: Darren Jackson-Carver 3:36pm today

Steve, is and always be one of the Greatest Australians to
live.
Posted by: Clayton Mettam of Perth, WA

Steve was an inspiration to alot of folks, not just Aussies. He put his money and his time (along with his wife and family) where is mouth was....

I'm a grown man and I feel like crying. No other person on God's
green Earth did more, or put more time and money into helping animals. This guy
was a saint. I was surprised when Princess Di was killed but Steve's passing is
shocking. The Earth lost a warrior.
Posted by: James Needer of Sunnybank Hills 2:49pm today

It is expected that the term "great Australian" will be bandied about ad fucking nauseum by politicians and media personalities for at least the next few days.

Any pretense of objectivity will be left trampled under foot as the media rush to turn a well meaning dropkick into a saint.

Sources close to the family say two miracles have already been attributed to Irwin and attempts are underway to determine whether the fact that he hasn't already been killed by a wild animal can be counted as the third miracle required to kick start the canonisation proceedings.

While some are viewing Irwin's death as a tragedy others see it as a perfect example of natural selection at work.

Irwin is survived by his wife Terri, a son he once dangled in front of a crocodile and a daughter he allowed to kick his son in the head.

Farewell Steve. You weren't a bad guy. You were just a bit of a dickhead.

Arbeit Macht Frei

An Italian politician has sparked controversy by using the slogan "work makes you free" in a brochure to promote local job centres.

Tommaso Coletti said he couldn't remember where he read the phrase but it made an immediate impact on him because it told an "immense truth."

I see...Let me tell you another immense truth you ignorant halfwit. That particular phrase was used by another group of people who understood very well the power of slogans except they wrote it "Arbeit Macht Frei".

Ringing any bells?

What better way to motivate the unemployed than by using the slogan that sat atop the gates of the Nazi's most infamous death camp.

Sharon!!!

A Sydney court was today told a man who drugged and sexually assaulted a 13-year-old girl, did so because he believed he was Ozzy Obourne.

Arthur Fairwell, 39, is facing a sentencing hearing in the NSW District Court, where he has pleaded guilty to six charges over the assault of the girl and the drugging of her and her mother.

Fairwell met the girl's mother through a telephone dating service in May 2004.

The court has previously been told that he drugged the woman and her daughter with a sedative at their south-western Sydney home before sexually assaulting the teenage girl.

Making submissions on sentence today, defence barrister Greg Scragg told the court Fairwell had discussed his mental state at the time of the offences with a forensic psychiatrist.

"My client had come to form the belief he was Ozzy Osbourne, the lead singer in the heavy metal rock group known as Black Sabbath," Mr Scragg said.

"He became obsessed with the idea that he had to do what Ozzy Osbourne had done."

Mr Scragg said Fairwell had learned of a claim that Osbourne had had sex with a 13-year-old girl. The lawyer said that, because of his client's obsessive beliefs, Fairwell felt compelled to follow in the singer's footsteps.

Today's hearing was frequently interrupted by vocal outbursts from Mr Fairwell who shouted from the dock in an American accent.

......There are so many things wrong with this. I mean, for fuck's sake dude! Couldn't you have just developed a drug habit, had a couple of ugly kids and started letting dogs shit all through your house?

While we're on it, Ozzy Osbourne certainly doesn't have an American accent you daft cunt. And you call yourself a fan?