Hmmmm, I guess we'll all have to be a bit more careful.

Current affairs program Today Tonight has been sprung covertly filming on a P&O cruise for the second time this year.

Freelance journalist Colin Chapman, his two-man crew and an underage girl have been thrown off the Pacific Star in Port Vila, Vanuatu, after the troubled P&O Cruises caught them secretly filming passengers for the Today Tonight program.

Mr Chapman was also involved in covert filming on the Pacific Star for Today Tonight earlier this year.

Today Tonight host Naomi Robson was deported from Indonesia last September after lying on a visa application in order to try to film a story about a six-year-old Papuan boy who they claimed was supposedly about to be killed by a cannibal tribe.

Anyone who works for a TV current affairs program should be locked in a small, brightly lit room for a prolonged period of time and beaten severely with a damp haddock at regular intervals. Mark my words, when the revolution comes, these parasitic bullshit merchants will be first against the wall......For those of you with limited funds, haddock will be provided.

That's My Team.

Allow me to pose a hypothetical here. Suppose you're a mad supporter of a certain football team. Suppose the coach of that team appeared on TV and said it's fun to tie puppies to your tow bar and drag them along the road. Would you defend him just because he coached your team or would you think "Fuck...I can't believe that psychopath is in charge of my team"?

The man in the photo is named Keysar Trad and he's a dick.

By now everyone will have heard about little tirade last week from Australia's most senior Muslim Cleric Sheik Hilaly in which he suggested that immodestly dressed women are to blame if they are sexually assaulted. In his own words the Sheik said women who dress in revealing clothes are akin to uncovered meat left lying a park which will eventually attract animals. It's an inventive simile without question but the implications behind it are the stuff of medieval nightmare.

Keysar Trad is the big cheese of an organisation known as the Islamic Friendship Association. He has repeatedly insisted that Hilaly's comments were not unreasonable and maintained that Hilaly is a respectable and worthy man and that the flurry of controversy surrounding the comments is a result of misquotation and media conspiracy.

I swear some poison spitting mufti could clamber up into his pulpit and declare that westerners in general and women in particular are evil in the eyes of Allah and should be beaten about the head with claw hammers and left dangling in the sun and Keysar would blame the ensuing outrage on misinterpretation and media bias.

I'm a big believer in free speech and if some random guy came out with those type of comments it wouldn't be such a big deal. The problem here is that Hilaly is a highly respected and senior representative of the Islamic faith and are large number of people hang on this clown's every word. Sure, he still has the right to say those things, but we also have an equal right to declare him a bigoted fuckwit when he does so. Unfortunately, Keysar Trad seems to think Hilaly should be free to say what he wants and nobody should dare criticise him.

You're supposed to be fostering relations between Islamic Australians and the wider community you moron. Defending some Koran humping reprobate when he says things like that is not the way to go about it. Defending the indefensible is neither admirable nor a sign of devotion to your people. It just makes you look like a half baked hardliner with his head in the sand. Jesus Christ, get with the fucking program.

Psycho Dyke

Convicted drug smuggler Schapelle Corby says in a new book that she blames the
Bali Nine for the severity of her prison sentence and that she once believed the
heroin trafficking group's Renae Lawrence to be "a psychopathic lesbian".

In her forthcoming book, My Story, due to be released in two weeks, Corby says that she “hated” the Bali Nine and thought Renae Lawrence was a “freak”, an extract published in today's The Australian Women's Weekly says.

“I felt sure their (Bali Nine) crime of trafficking heroin had contributed to me getting 20 years,” Corby said.

“I was terrified of Renae Lawrence. I thought she'd pick on me, start fights and ram my head into the cement walls.

“All the girls who had been sharing cells with her had been telling stories about the freak.

“She refused to let anyone else sleep if she was awake. She kicked them in the head, sexually hit on them and punch them.

“By the time she checked in at Kerobokan (prison), I imagined Renae as a psychopathic lesbian - I was scared to death of her.”

I don't know why, I just find this extremely amusing.

Renae Lawrence: Psychopathic lesbian or dim witted munter? Discuss.

Handouts for Hayseeds.

The Australian Government is extending drought assistance funding to another 44 farming regions. The increase will cost $650 million and will see almost half of all Australia's farmers become eligible for financial assistance.

Let's hear that again. Half of all the farmers in Australia will be eligible for Government handouts due to the ongoing drought...

So, because your business is completely unsustainable it's therefore up to the rest of us to prop you up until it rains. Is that it?

Have none of you ever questioned the intelligence of trying to grow crops on a barren bit of dirt in the middle of the driest continent on earth?

Why should we have to pay millions of dollars so you can live out some delusional bucolic fantasy that will never come true?

How long are we going to keep this up for? Does anyone really believe that if we give it another year or so it's going to magically start raining out west and everything will be OK? Just because we've got some sort of "proud history" of farming in this country doesn't mean we should just stick our heads in the red dirt and pretend that it can and will be that way forever.

Honestly, I'd rather my tax dollars go to some work-shy Playstation addict. At least I wouldn't have to hear him bitching about how tough his life is every time I turn on the TV.

Paris Syndrome? Wrong. You're just a fucking lunatic.

Around a dozen Japanese tourists a year need psychological treatment after visiting Paris as the reality of unfriendly locals and scruffy streets clashes with their expectations, a newspaper has reported. "

A third of patients get better immediately, a third suffer relapses and the rest have psychoses," Hotel-Dieu hospital psychologist, Yousef Mahmoudia, told the newspaper Journal du Dimanche.

Already this year, Japan's embassy in Paris has had to repatriate at least four visitors - including two women who believed their hotel room was being bugged and there was a plot against them. Previous cases include a man convinced he was the former French King Louis XIV, and a woman who believed she was being attacked with microwaves.

"Fragile travellers can lose their bearings. When the idea they have of the country meets the reality of what they discover it can provoke a crisis," psychologist Herve Benhamou told the paper.

The phenomenon, which the newspaper dubbed "Paris Syndrome", was first
detailed in the psychiatric journal Nervure in 2004.

Bernard Delage of Jeunes Japon, an association that helps Japanese families settle in France, said: "In Japanese shops, the customer is king, whereas here assistants hardly look at them ... People using public transport all look stern, and handbag snatchers increase the ill feeling.

"A Japanese woman, Aimi, told the paper: "For us, Paris is a dream city. All the French are beautiful and elegant ... And then, when they arrive, the Japanese find the French character is the complete opposite of their own."

Hang on a second.....Paris Syndrome? What kind of bollocks is this? Someone who thinks they're Louis XIV or believes they're being attacked with microwaves is not suffering from Paris Syndrome. They're just barking mad.

If some crazed loon is running about, telling people he's a long dead monarch I'll wager it's not just because the waiter at the cafe where he had lunch sneered at his poor pronunciation of courgette.

Similarly, if you believe you're being attacked with microwaves, I have trouble believing it's because there are bag snatchers on the metro.

Paris Syndrome my arse.

Saint Bono the Tightwad

U2 frontman Bono faced court in Dublin today to give evidence at an appeal launched by the band's former stylist in a bid to keep a Stetson hat she claims the band gave her.

Lola Cassman says she was given the hat and other memorabilia as gifts during U2's Joshua Tree tour in 1987.

But the band successfully sued last year for the recovery of the hat, a pair of metal hooped earrings, a green sweatshirt and a pair of black trousers, which they said she took without permission.

For fuck's sake. You make millions of dollars a year and you're suing someone for pinching a pair of pants and a hat in 1987! What are you doing you idiot? I've seen that hat in the Rattle and Hum video. It makes you look like a homosexual horse whisperer. Let it go man.

Playboy Magazine's Top 10 Worst Ever Chick Flicks

In 10th place: The Notebook

In 9th place: Sleepless in Seattle



In 8th place: Fried Green Tomatoes



In 7th place: Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood.



In 6th place: Dirty Dancing



In 5th place: The Bridges of Madison County



In 4th place: Bridget Jones's Diary



In 3rd place: Steel Magnolias



In 2nd place: Ghost



and the worst chick flick of all time according to the readers of Playboy Magazine is......

Beaches

What is probably more interesting than a list of bad movies compiled by Playboy readers is that Playboy Magazine is still around at all. Surely ten years after the internet ceased to be a nerd's paradise and became a social revolution the need for dirty magazines is on the wane. Who is still buying these things?

Here's a hint....PUT DOWN THE FORK!!!

Apparently not content with gorging themselves on triple cheeseburgers, giant slurpees and deep fried peanut butter sandwiches, bovine Americans have begun eating deep friend Coca Cola.

The gooey Coke-battered nuggets topped with cola syrup won the "most creative" title at the Texas state fair in Dallas last month.

"We've been getting calls from everywhere since we introduced it," Elizabeth Martin, a spokeswoman for the North Carolina fair, told the Dallas Morning News.

"Everyone wants to know where they can get it."

You fat bastards are a fucking embarrassment.

The Computer Is Not Always Right.

An 80-year-old German motorist has obediently followed his navigation system all the way into a huge pile of sand, abrubtly bringing his trip to an end.

The motorist ignored a motorway "closed for construction" sign and crashed his Mercedes into a pile of sand further down the road, police have said.

"The driver was following the orders from his navigation system and even though there was a sufficient number of warnings and barricades, he continued his journey into the construction site," a police spokeswoman has said.

"His trip finally ended when he wound up crashing into a pile of sand," she added.

The driver and his wife escaped uninjured from the collision, which occurred on a motorway near Hamburg.

Backbench Squarepants

The Queensland Government is fending off claims that Qld Parliament doesn't sit frequently enough. It has been revealed that this year Qld MPs will sit for a grand total of just 36 days.

That's right friends. Your elected representatives will spend less than one day a week in Parliament over the coming year.

So if you're not a minister and you don't have a portfolio to attend to, exactly what do you do for the rest of the year? Go to school fetes and the odd community fundraiser? Sit in your electorate office and masturbate like a demented chimpanzee? Seriously, I can not imagine what these people actually do with all the free time they must have.

Keep in mind also, that the extent of a backbencher's contribution to parliamentary proceedings is generally limited to sitting on his or her arse and obediantly repeating "hear hear" whenever a higher ranked colleague finishes a sentence.

We pay these people more than $100,000 a year...

Sell out Complete.

Serial fuckwit Sean "Diddy" Combs has found another corporate cock to suck and teamed up with Burger King and You Tube to launch "Diddy TV."



This isn't a piss take. It's actually happening.

What, you don't already have enough money you fucking crackhead? Advertising zit cream wasn't low enough for you to go? You've got to sell junk food to a bunch of fat Americans too?

Jesus Camp

Kids believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and pots of gold at the end of rainbows. What chance do these poor little bastards have?

Ouch.

A Croatian woman has suffered severe burns to her anus after being struck by lightning which hit her in the mouth and passed right through her body.

Natasha Timarovic, 27, was cleaning her teeth in her home in the city of Zadar when lightning struck the building.

"I don't remember much after that, but I was later told that the lightning had travelled down the water pipe and struck me on the mouth, passing through my body," she said.

It was incredibly painful, I felt it pass through my torso and then I don't remember much at all."
Doctors at the city hospital where she was treated for burns to the mouth and rear said: "The accident is bizarre but not impossible.

Our Civilisation in Decline

I thought I might share a couple of examples of the type of heart warming stories I often come across here at the media monitoring dungeon.

- A 20 month old baby boy has undergone emergency surgery after allegedly being bashed in a home in Sydney's west. Doctors say he is in a critical condition with massive head injuries. Police have charged a 33 year old man over the attack.

- Two 12 year old girls have been released on bail after facing court over an attack on a 15 year old physically and intellectually impaired boy. One of the girls instigated the attack after the boy "looked at her funny."

Lovely.

Pope Says No to Limbo

Limbo to be put out of its misery
Ruth Gledhill and Richard Owen
October
05, 2006

The Pope will cast aside centuries of Catholic belief this week by abolishing the concept of limbo, in a gesture to help win the souls of millions of babies in the developing world for Christ.

The evidence suggests Benedict XVI never believed in limbo anyway. But in the evangelisation zones of Africa and Asia, the Pope - an authority on all things Islamic - is aware Muslims believe the souls of stillborn babies go straight to heaven.

Looking to spread the faith in countries with high infant mortality, now is a good time to make it clear the stillborn babies of Christian mothers go to heaven, too.

Although it has never been part of the church's doctrine, the existence of limbo was taught to Catholics around the world.

But limbo failed to impress the Pope, who was recorded as saying before his
election:

"Personally, I would let it drop, since it has always been only a theological hypothesis."

This week, a 30-strong Vatican international commission of theologians, which has been examining limbo, began its final deliberations. The theologians' finding is that God wishes all souls to be saved, and that the souls of unbaptised children are entrusted to a merciful God.

"In effect, this means all children who die go to heaven," one source said

Extracted from The Times

While it's a bit tacky that they've done this as an attempt to shore up the numbers in countries where Islam has a decent foothold, what I really want to know is this: What is the cut off age between childhood and adulhood? Is it 12 like at the movies? 17 like at the Department of Transport? 18 like the pub or the polling booth?

Old enough to vote, too old for paradise. How ironic that would be.

Come on Benny, tell me, at what point does the free entry pass for heaven expire? Does it make allowances for people who have intellectual disabilities like Downs Syndrome who may be adults in a physical sense but children in an intellectual one? Admit it, you're just making this shit up as you go along aren't you?

While we're on it, does it bother anyone else that 30 churchmen were conscripted to discuss what is basically a moot point? Couldn't they have been doing something useful like, oh I don't know, say, helping the needy?